My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009)

Freudian symbolism in your face (and lap).

Freudian symbolism in your face (and lap).

Leaving its brains at the box office, My Bloody Valentine 3-D does exactly what Hollywood should so, it puts on a spectacle. I’ve grown so sick of a Hollywood that straddles the fence, wanting to be both entertainment and cause for serious discussion and getting neither right. Perhaps, Hollywood is not fully to blame. Lazy film critics and academics needing to bolster enrollment have watered down the expectations of film art to new lows. When torture porn and teen comedies are worth studying you know we’ve lost sight of the profound transformative qualities of great art.

My Bloody Valentine is probably never going to get studied in a classroom. Dear god let’s hope not! Perhaps from a business standpoint the movement towards 3-Dimensional projection might be seen as an attempt for Hollywood to get people away from their television sets and back into the theaters. It’s not a bad strategy. I don’t think it will be the saving grace of Hollywood. Especially, if they foolishly think that every film is worth of 3-D. No one needs to see Doubt in 3-Dimensions.

Filmmakers get 3-D right when they do it like My Bloody Valentine. Push the plot to the edge of the frame and come out swinging. Have axes and body parts flying at the audience. Toss in some full frontal nudity and you have an argument for why porno theaters might even make a return. Give people no reason to take their eyes off the screen.

I noticed that even the teenage girls sitting next to met stopped text messaging after the first few minutes and simply watched the film. Amazing!

On a purely aesthetic note, 3-D cinematography requires a great deal of shallow depth of field and shows markedly more care. It also allows for some rather inventive rack focuses. Finally, I wonder if whoever decided to remake the relatively obscure Canadian horror films My Bloody Valentine gave much consideration to how wonderful mine shafts are at creating the illusion of depth. If this was not by accident it was a brilliant decision.


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